


Thora, you awake?

by Iben



Category: Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Female Loki, Female Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:11:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iben/pseuds/Iben
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about being nineteen and reckless, and maybe a little unhappy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thora, you awake?

**Author's Note:**

> A million thanks to my beta-reader!

Whoever had loaded the jukebox had to suffer from a split personality. Old-fashioned redneck songs were mixed with obscure pop songs from a decade ago and some more or less contemporary hits, no more than a few summers old. Loki didn't mind. She could dance to Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus, as well as to country tunes about lonely truckers. It was the dancing that was the point. She didn't care for Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Heart, though. The guy sounded as if he had stuffed his mouth with bread. 

When the song came on, again, Loki made her way over to the table she shared with her friends. The tabletop was filled with empty and half-empty glasses; handbags were placed on the chairs to mark them as taken.  
“Is this my glass?” she said as she sat down. “Whatever.” She downed what was left in the glass. It tasted sickeningly sweet. Definitely not her glass.  
“I think it's Thora's” Raven said. 

Loki's eyes went to the dance floor. Thora had no problem dancing to Billy Ray's bread stuffed singing. She and Sif were shaking it on the floor. It wasn't much of a dance floor, just a space cleared of tables to accommodate the few bored-out-of-their-minds university students who were home for the break and came here, lacking anything better to do. The rest of the clientele sat by the bar, or in the booths by the door, nursing their beers and doing their best to ignore the partying. Truck drivers passing through, regulars missing a tooth or two... 

The place was a dump. Someone came up with the bright idea to go here, instead of the pizza place or the more family-friendly bar on main street, and the others followed suit. It was this years fad. Next summer, those who bothered to come home from university would find someplace else to hang out.

“You want another?” Loki asked and looked at Raven.  
Raven shook her head. “I'm driving home” she said. So was Loki. Unless she could convince Thora to drive. She could probably convince Thora. 

Loki felt restless. She wanted the song to end. She eyed the college boys that sat a few tables over. She knew most of them, had grown up with them. The sons of a couple of big farmers and small-town business men who had done well for themselves, home for the break. Raven's brother was among them. That surprised Loki somewhat – this was the bad part of town. He was a few years older, had already finished his master thesis and had stayed at university to work towards a Ph.D. Maybe he was here to keep an eye on Raven. Loki really didn't care. He was just as boring as the other ones. Thora didn't think so though.  
“I'm having another” Loki said and got up. 

The bar counter was pockmarked with cigarette burns. The bartender was busy attending to someone at the other end, not appearing to be in any rush, and Loki held back a sigh. The guy could barely mix a decent gin and tonic. Efficiency had been his one shot at a redeeming himself. 

Loki looked around, bored, while she waited until something caught her eye. Or rather, someone. A guy, sitting a few bar stools over. Broad shoulders, unruly hair, beard. And handsome. Ruggedly so, but most definitely handsome. Not even that beard could mask it. Loki didn't recognize him. He probably wasn't from around here. Or maybe he was new. God, did that actually happen in this town, something, anything new?

Loki took her purse from the counter and walked over, not too fast, making sure to sway her hips, what little she had in that department, with every step. “Hi” she said and smiled. The guy looked up from his glass, whiskey by the look of it. And didn't reply. He just went back to staring at the wall behind the bar and took a long pull at the cigar he had in one hand, making the glow bright red.

The rejection felt like a pinprick to her lungs, deflating her a bit. Walking all the way back to their table seemed like a journey on par with that of Frodo's and Sam's now – every gaze in the room following her, a neon sign of ridicule above her head. Then she felt angry. She was wearing a low cut, almost see-through top for Christ's sake! 

She got up on the stool next to his, not dropping her smile for a second.  
“Wanna buy me a drink?” The straightforward route seemed best. She guessed he was a good fifteen to twenty years older than she and he didn't seem like the kind of guy you could just sweet talk.  
“Can't you buy your own drinks?” he said without bothering to look at her. “Or does daddy not pay for that?”  
“Fuck you.”

That earned her a glance. Not a smile though. He looked annoyed, not amused. He was rude first, Loki thought.  
“What's your problem?” she said.  
“Right now? Not being able to have a drink in peace.” 

What a complete asshole. Loki shot him a dark look. “Well, I guess I should recompense the one I ruined for you then.” She made a sign at the bartender to fill up the asshole's glass, but he waved him away with a small shake of the head.  
“Why don't you run back to the college boys” he said to Loki.  
“If I was interested in college boys I wouldn't have come over here, would I?” She regretted the flirtatiousness of her remark the second she said it. He hadn't asked her a question, he was just dismissing her further.

But at that he actually turned his head and looked at her. Hazel eyes, fans of fine lines around them.  
“How old are you anyway, kid?” he said.  
“Twenty-five” she lied. Nineteen, but who was counting?  
“Sure you are.”

Loki didn't reply. He was finally looking at her and, general assholeness aside, he was hot – getting into a debate about her age surely wouldn't help her come off as mature.  
“Are you new in town?” she asked instead.  
“Yeah.”  
“Passing through?” No that sounded clingy. “Are you a trucker?”  
“No.”

No, truckers were fat. Most of them anyway, from sitting still for hours and hours, eating nothing but truck stop junk food. This guy was nothing of the sort. Some sort of manual labor, Loki guessed.  
“Got a name then?” she asked. He looked at her, sideways, as if contemplating if he would bother answering her.  
“Logan.”  
“I'm Loki.” 

He nodded a little. “How're you doing Loki?” he said then. Loki smiled. She got a hint of a smile in return.

Not completely immune to her charms after all, then. She leaned forward a little bit, not a lot, just enough so that he wouldn't be able to avoid seeing the cleavage she showed. Not everyone had the good luck to be graced like Thora in that department, but push-up bras were amazing things. 

He looked. A triumphant feeling flooded through her and mixed with excitement. She had to say something, play it cool.  
“So, how about that drink?” she said.

He regarded her for a moment, but then he caught the eye of the bartender. The bartender didn't keep him waiting, like he had Loki, and when he walked up Logan signaled Loki to go ahead and order.  
“Gin and tonic” she said.  
“I'll have another one” Logan said and drained the last of his whiskey. 

The bartender filled up Logan's glass and shortly after Loki's drink arrived. She turned towards Logan and crossed her legs. Her legs were maybe her best attributes. Long and lean, but not too skinny. She showed them off in a short skirt this evening. He might have missed them when she walked up though, as he was staring at the bottom of his glass at the time. 

He stubbed out his cigar, or what was left of it, and lifted his glass, then paused. “Cheers” he said. 

Loki smiled and held his gaze. “Cheers” she said. She felt a surge of excitement, almost giddiness, just sitting there with him. It intensified when she looked at those bulging arms of his, clearly visible through the material of his shirt. A worn leather jacket was slung over the back of his chair. From what she could see he was wearing paint-on-tight jeans. She wished she had a better view.

He was difficult to chat with, mainly because he didn't say much. And he didn't smile much. And his eyebrows seemed to be drawn together in a permanent frown. But he looked at her, and he was appreciating what he saw, she was sure of it. 

Friday I'm in Love with Cure came on the jukebox. “Oh, I love this song” Loki said.  
“Really?” Logan said, a vaguely amused look on his face.  
“What, you don't?”  
“Can't say I've ever heard it before.”

Loki sang along to a few lines during the chorus. It was cheesy, she knew, but she also knew she had a pretty good voice. Logan was looking at her. “You like it yet?” Loki said. Logan didn't reply, probably thought it was a crappy song, you could tell from just looking at him that Cure wasn't a band he even knew. But he gave that hint of a smile again, and kept looking at her. 

Loki felt a warm tingling in her stomach. It traveled up her spine and down her thighs.  
“I need to go powder my nose” she said. “Do you mind watching my drink for me?”  
“You sure you trust me to do that?”  
“Well... there's really no need for you to put anything in it now, is there?” Loki replied and smiled at him before she slid off the bar stool. She headed to the ladies room, and Thora was behind her as she stepped through the door.  
“What are you doing?”  
“What?” Loki replied, trying not to touch anything in here, while being crowded by Thora. It really didn't look, or smell, as if they cleaned in here on any regular basis.  
“Who is that guy?”  
“I don't know, I just met him. Can you move? I need to pee.”

Thora moved to the side so that Loki could access the toilet. She hitched up her skirt, but crouched above the seat rather than sitting down. She could feel Thora's gaze burning a hole in her head.  
“Well, we're leaving now anyway” Thora said.  
“You might be, I'm not.”  
“Yes you are.” Thora sounded bossy.  
Loki pulled up her panties and Thora was in the way of the washbowl.  
“Why are you in here? I can't move.”  
Thora pressed closer to the door and Loki pushed past her. A small shard of guilt stung her, knowing full well that Thora was sensitive about her size. Constantly trying this diet or that diet, never realizing that she was gorgeous the way she was, and that half the male population was lusting after her. 

But her superior tone of voice, telling Loki what to do, it made Loki's skin crawl.  
“What are you doing with that guy?” Thora said.  
“What does it look like I'm doing?”  
“Jesus, Loki. How old is he?”  
“Don't know.”  
“Too old.”

Loki dried her hands on a paper towel, and then dug out her eye liner from her purse.  
“You cannot do anything with that guy” Thora said.  
“Why not?” Loki's tone was bored, rather than obstinate.  
“I shouldn't even have to tell you. I don't actually have to tell you, because you know exactly what I mean.”  
“It's none of your business.”  
“He's too old, you know nothing about him, he looks like he kills small animals for fun.”  
“Have you seen his biceps though?” Loki met Thora's eyes in the mirror and smiled.

Thora smiled back and shook her head. “Yeah” she said. “Still, we're leaving.”  
“No, I'm not.”  
“I wanna go home.”  
“Then go home.”  
“I can't leave you here!”  
“Sure you can.”  
“Then how are you going to get home?”  
“I'm sure I can think of something.”

Thora was glaring at her. Loki focused on her make up, pretending not to notice.  
“Seriously, you can't go home with that guy, or go anywhere with him. I won't let you.”

Loki snapped her gaze back to Thora. Just two years older and she thought she could run Loki's entire life. Thora and Sif, they were exactly the same. Beautiful, popular, always doing the right thing, never fucking up. God, Loki was tired of the two of them. She could never compare. She needed half a pound of make up to look interesting and she could never master that pleasant, easy charm that seemed to be in desire. She was smarter, she knew she was, but somehow that didn't seem to matter. Not when it came to making parents proud.  
“You can't dictate what I do, or do not do” Loki said and Thora made a frustrated face at her.  
“It's not about that. Don't be stupid. You're gonna regret it. God only knows how much... he could be dangerous for all you know!”  
“I seriously doubt it” Loki said, but turned her eyes back to the mirror to disguise the uncertainty that flared up in her stomach. Logan was a lot older, and he had an air of danger about him. That was part of the fun. But truth was she didn't know anything about him. The thought had crossed her mind that he could be an ex-con. 

She put her make up things back in her bag and turned to face Thora.  
“I'm gonna stay” she said. “I'm an adult, I can do what I want.”  
“Don't.”  
“You and Sif take your merry band of girl scouts and head home. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Thora made a face.  
“You're such a bitch” she said. “And you're making a mistake.”  
“Oh, because a guy who wears tweed isn't my type? I think Charles is bent the other way, you know.”  
“Screw you. And you wanna be slut of the year, go ahead!”

Thora stormed out of the bathroom and Loki took a deep breath before she followed her. Her eyes went to the bar, heart in her throat, not sure if she was hoping he was still there or that he had left. But he was there. 

She walked up to him, and got up on the bar stool next to him again.  
“Thank you” she said and took her glass, still half-full.

He looked at her. God, he was sexy. She wondered if he was a good kisser. He had to be, didn't he? She had never kissed a guy with a full beard before. Never kissed a guy with any kind of beard, come to think of it. The thought seemed ludicrous, incongruous, and made her smile.

He had turned so that he sat almost facing her now. She had to concentrate to not look anywhere inappropriate, like his crotch, but she still took in the way he was built. She was tempted to ask him what line of work he was in, but they had moved on from such questions and chatted about non-personal things, mostly just giving each other looks with innuendos in them. Building up the tension. It had shattered somewhat when she went to the bathroom and had that argument with Thora, but now it was back. Just like that. 

Thora and the others walked past them to the door, and Loki didn't look at her. She caught Raven's eye for a second though and Raven's face was filled with a kind of awe, mixed with a pinch of disbelief.  
“You drove here yourself?” Logan asked.  
Apparently he noticed more than he let on, knew who her friends were, maybe even saw Thora following her into the bathroom.

Loki nodded, not bothered by lying about that. She took a sip of her drink and cast a glance at Logan over the brim of her glass, knowing full well that the black make up around her eyes made it look seductive.

He leaned forward an inch.  
“You're very pretty” he said. Loki's stomach lurched. “Sure you're twenty-five?”  
“It would be pretty alarming if I didn't know how old I was, don't you think?”  
He just looked at her, but she could see in his face, or thought she could see, that whatever doubt he had about her age wasn't going to matter. She was legal anyway. 

He touched her knee and she almost gave a jerk, both from surprise by the skin-on-skin contact and the electricity that suddenly seemed to run through her thighs. She glanced down at his fingers, just gently brushing against her leg, staying by her bent knee. 

The crowd was beginning to thin out. The college kids had all left, there weren't that many of them anyway, and the regulars were starting to pile out into the parking lot. Loki nursed the last of her drink. She had a tight feeling in the pit of her stomach. She put her hand on his arm, partly because she wanted it to be an inviting gesture, and partly because she couldn't resist touching him. Her pulse was going tick-tick-tick. 

“What do you say we get out of here?” Logan said when he finished his drink. He looked her straight in the eyes. Loki downed the last, watery dregs of her own drink and got up from the bar stool. He rose as well, and he was even taller than she had expected. She wasn't short, but she still had to turn her face up to look at him. She smiled.  
“Last orders” the bartender said to the few remaining patrons, as Loki followed Logan out the door.

They had only just made it out onto the sidewalk before they started kissing. He tasted faintly of whiskey and cigar smoke – not exactly bad, but different. His beard scratched and tickled her face. She grabbed his shoulders, marveled at the size of him, how strong he felt. 

There was nowhere to go around here. The street was mostly deserted. There were no residential houses around here, and the shops were closed. The neon sign above the entrance to the mechanic shop across the street was dark, but the around-the-year Christmas lights in the window blinked red, blue and green. Loki had no idea where Logan lived and she sure as hell couldn't bring him home. 

They were clasping at each other. Kissing. His hands on her butt. In her hair. They walked in between the houses. Arousal flooded her body, making her skin tingle, but she still thought about what Thora had said. What if he was a maniac? 

Round the back of the dry cleaners, which was next door to the bar. He was just a tiny bit scary out here, in the dark, with no one else around. His breath hot against her face. His hands were squeezing her breasts, and she could feel his arousal pressing against her. Her mind felt thick, the way it always did when she was turned on. 

She undid the top buttons of his shirt, felt the hair on his chest against her palm, and something else. A chain. In the faint light from the one street light in the alley next to them, she could see that he wore a necklace. Dog tags. Ex-military then, not ex-con.

He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him and they did it up against the wall. When it was over Loki's legs felt like jelly and she didn't let go of him right away, as to not fall over while she waited for the blood to rush back down to her legs and feet. She looked for her panties, not looking as he got rid of the condom, and almost panicked for a moment when she couldn't find them.  
“Here” he said and scooped them up from the ground and held them out to her.  
“Thanks.”

They made their way out to the parking lot in front of the bar. There were only a few cars there now.  
“You got your car here?” Logan said and Loki nodded. She had no idea how she was going to get home.  
“Actually” she said. “Do you mind giving me a ride?” Did he look annoyed? She couldn't really tell in the dim light.  
“All right, get in.”

He had a pretty nice looking car. Old, but classic looking. She had expected him to drive a pick-up. Inside it smelt a bit of cigar smoke. Loki felt silly sitting in the passenger seat. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him for a ride.  
“So, where do you live?” he asked.

Suddenly she felt hesitant about telling him. Didn't want him to know. She gave him the address to the Anderson's farm.

It was quiet in the car, while they drove through dark, deserted streets, out towards the farmland surrounding the town, where it was even darker. Loki had no idea what to talk about, so she kept quiet. She could feel that her hair was messy, her clothes askew, her make up smeared. She was in a car with a complete stranger, which he had been all along, but she felt more like a nineteen year-old-girl now than she had before. 

The Anderson farm was dark as Logan stopped the car by their mailbox. He shot the cluster of houses – main building, barn, stable – a look through the windshield, then he looked at Loki and she had to almost force herself to look back at him. It wasn't the same as when she had fooled around with that cute guy she had met in English Lit, or someone from the campus bar.  
“You'll be alright from here?” he said and she nodded.  
“Yeah” she said.  
“Okay.” He smiled a little, and the spirit of understanding between them seemed to seep back in, at least a small sliver of it. “You take care.”

Loki smiled back. “You too.” He leaned in and kissed her and she kissed him back, but it was a short kiss and then she opened the door and got out.

She walked slowly towards the houses, until his taillights had disappeared behind a bend, then she turned around. She followed the road back for a bit and then headed into the woods. It was really, really dark here, but the lane was trampled by many feet before and she knew there wouldn't be any obstacles in her way as long as she followed it. It was a walk of shame performed almost in blindness.

After only a short while the woods cleared and she could see the house. The patio lights were on, but all of the windows were dark. She couldn't see the ones that faced the back, but she doubted Mom and Dad would be waiting up for her, if they even knew she was still out. 

She let herself in and the house felt as silent inside as it has seemed from the outside. She went up the stairs and saw that the light was on in Thora's room. Loki supposed she should let her know that she was home, although she really didn't feel like it. But the decision was taken from her, as Thora had heard her and pushed the door open herself.

She was in her nightdress, no make up, and her long, blond hair was in a braid.  
“Just wanted to see that you got home” she said.  
“I'm home.”  
Thora looked at her, perhaps to see if she looked unharmed, and deciding that she did, closed the door. 

Loki went into the bathroom across the hall. None of the bedrooms had an en-suite, except her parents' room, but for the most part it was just Loki and Thora who shared this one. At any rate, it was far more personal space than the dorms at university provided. 

She washed off her make up and used some tissues to wipe off her own arousal from before. Had he really been there? It felt almost unreal now, and at the same time the feeling lingered; she was acutely aware of it. 

In her own bedroom she undressed, threw the clothes in the general direction of the chair beneath the window, and pulled on a nightie. She hadn't bothered to pull the curtains, and the night sky, so dark when she was outside, gleamed a strange, dull blue now that she was in her bed. She lay there, sleep seeming millions of light years away. Something was chafing inside her chest. A small, bothersome feeling and she tried to push it down, starve it by ignoring it, but it wouldn't go away.

She got up and slipped out to the upstairs hallway and into Thora's room. It was dark in there now, but Loki's eyes were adjusted to the darkness and she knew her way around in here anyway.  
“You awake?” she whispered. Nothing. “Thora?” Loki shook her arm a little.  
“What?”  
“Can I sleep in here?”  
Loki got in under the cover. She heard Thora fumble for the switch on the bedside lamp. She blinked when it went on. Thora turned to face her. She looked only half-awake.  
“What is it?” she asked.

Loki didn't know what to say. She felt tears burn in her eyes and tried to force them back.  
“Jesus, Loki. Did something happen? Did he do something? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you there!”  
“No, nothing like that.”  
Loki started crying and hated herself for it.  
“Oh my god, please, say what it is. What happened?” Thora said.

But how could Loki explain what she felt? She felt both excited and disappointed by the simple crudeness of doing it in a back alley. Elated that she had dared to, when she wanted to, and shocked that she had.  
“Did you go home with him?” Thora asked and Loki shook her head. “We did it behind the dry cleaner's” Loki said, and couldn't help but to feel a little bit slutty when saying it out loud.  
Thora sighed. “Jesus... But, did he do something?”  
“No, god, stop going on about that. It was consensual.”  
“Then why are you upset? Was he an asshole, after?”  
“No. He drove me home. Well, kind of. I just... I'm not upset, I'm sad.”

Thora was looking at her. Loki was ashamed of how she felt, about the crying, but couldn't stop.  
“Oh, sweetie” Thora said and put her arms around her. She smelled of soap, and the body lotion she used. She was warm from being in bed, and soft and familiar.  
“I'm just so sad that it wasn't all that special, but at the same time it was really good.”  
“I don't know what you mean” Thora said after a moment of silence.  
“It's just... that it's both at the same time. I'm never gonna see him again, and that makes me really sad, and also really relieved.”

Thora leaned her head against Loki's. After a short while the tears stopped running and Loki let go of Thora. She wiped her face with her hands.  
“It's just hard, you know?” she said. “Living.”  
“But sometimes you do really... weird things, that probably makes it harder.”  
Loki was pretty sure Thora had been on the verge of saying 'stupid things'.  
“You don't get it” she said, but without anger.  
“No, maybe not.”  
Loki looked at the framed poster of a Chagall painting that Thora had on her wall.  
“He was way too old for you, though” Thora said. “Even though he isn't a serial killer.”  
“Yeah, well... he thought I was twenty-five.” Loki smiled.  
“Why doesn't that surprise me?”

They were quiet for a short while. Loki remembered being jealous of this room when she was little. It was slightly bigger than hers, and even if it was only ever so marginally, to a child that still seemed significant.  
“He had a magnificent body though” she said. “I'm never going to be able to be with a puny guy of nineteen again.”  
“Oh my god!” Thora said. Loki laughed and Thora laughed too. “You're mad” Thora said.  
“Possibly.” Loki felt better though. A bit raw, and embarrassed about her outburst of tears, but this was her sister. The one person who might actually be on her side in this world. 

“I'm still sorry I left you” Thora said and Loki turned her gaze to her. “Even if nothing bad happened. It could have.”  
“It's okay.”  
“No, it's not. I was really wrong to do that, I'm sorry.”  
“I'm sorry I said Charles might be gay.”  
Thora looked down at the duvet, as if she was gazing inwards. “He might be” she said.  
“Yeah, but I don't think he is. I only said that because you pissed me off.”  
“Well, it doesn't matter either way, since he's not interested in me anyway.”  
“You don't know that. He's probably scared of you, because you're beautiful and radiant and everybody loves you.”  
“Or he thinks I'm fat and shallow.”  
“Fat and shallow? That particular combination?” Loki managed to get Thora to smile a small smile.  
“You're neither” Loki said. “Please, if you could just see yourself...” If nothing else, look at the jealousy of you I've harbored all my life, she thought. “You know guys like you, you can't deny that.”  
“Well, not the right guy.”  
“You've got all summer to catch his attention. There really isn't a whole lot going on here, so it'll probably be easier than at uni anyway.”  
Thora smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. 

Darkness cloaked the room when Thora turned off the bedside lamp.  
“Tomorrow everyone will think I'm a slut and you'll look a whole lot better by comparison” Loki said.  
“No one will think that” Thora replied.  
“They might.”  
“They don't even know what happened after we left. And no one would say such a thing about you.”  
“You have far too much faith in our peers.”  
“If anyone should call you a slut I'll make them regret it.”  
Loki smiled.


End file.
